Sexual behaviour of children: what is normal, worrying or abusive
NSPCC factsheet
August 2010
As well as developing physically and emotionally, children will also exhibit sexual behaviour as a normal part of growing up. A child’s sexual development expresses itself in a range of behaviours, most of which are healthy and normal.
However, sometimes a child's behaviour may be unusual, worrying or even harmful. Deciding whether behaviour is normal, worrying or abusive depends on the age of the child and the situation.
This brief guidance is intended to help you decide whether there is cause for concern about a child or young person’s behaviour, and how to respond to these concerns in the first instance.
Behaviours typical of each developmental stage
When a behaviour is of concern
What to do if you are worried about a child's behaviour
Behaviours typical of each developmental stage
Sexual development progresses through a number of different phases:
infancy
young school age
pre-adolescence
adolescence
Each stage has behaviours which are considered ‘age-appropriate'., although it is also normal to a see a child exhibiting behaviour from the age group immediately above or below them.
If a child has learning difficulties or behavioural difficulties, it is important to consider their developmental stage.
Many adults are uncomfortable when they see children displaying sexual behaviour. Our judgements are affected by age, gender, personal experiences, cultural background, religious beliefs and profession.
Behaviours typical of each developmental stage might include:
A preschool child (approximate age 0 to 4)
- kisses and/or hugs others
- is curious about and looks at others’ private body parts
- talks about private body parts
- uses words such as ‘poo’, ‘bum’ and ‘willy‘ freely
- plays ‘house’ or ‘doctor’ games
- shows, touches, or rubs own genitals
- sometimes engages in self-soothing behaviour (masturbates)
A young child (approximate age 5 to 9)
- kisses and/or hugs others
- displays an interest in others’ bodies
- sometimes uses swear words and/or ‘sex’ words
- plays ‘house’ or ‘doctor’ games
- occasionally shows private body parts to others (“moons”)
- engages in self-soothing behaviour (touches or rubs own genitals, masturbates)
A pre-adolescent (approximate age 10 to 12)
- kisses, hugs, pets, ‘dates’ others
- is interested in others’ bodies; may look at sexual pictures including internet images
- touches others’ genitals
- masturbates
An adolescent (approximate age 13-16)
- asks questions about relationships and sexual behaviour
- uses sexual language and talks about sexual acts with peers
- looks at nude pictures
- masturbates in private
- experiments sexually with adolescents of similar age
It is normal for children of all ages to play and experiment and be curious about their own and each other’s bodies.
Behaviour may be concerning if:
- a child is displaying behaviour that is not age-appropriate / developmentally appropriate
- a child has sexual knowledge beyond what would be expected at their age / stage of development
- the behaviour involves children of significantly different ages / developmental stages
- any child is being made to do something they don’t want to do
- the behaviour persists or is becoming more serious
- the behaviour follows or is accompanied by force, aggression or trickery
- the behaviour is affecting other areas of the child’s life, for example their school performance, or their social interaction with others
- the behaviour is compulsive.
What to do if you are worried about a child’s behaviour
- Talk to the child calmly and ask them about what happened. Sometimes children do not realise that certain behaviour is okay in private but not in public. Or they do not realise that their behaviour is upsetting or harming other children. They may be uncomfortable talking about sexual issues and may also be worried they are in trouble so your tone and manner are very important.
- The child may say something that worries you, and might indicate that they have witnessed or experienced sexual abuse.
If you are a parent, relative, or acquainted with the child and are still worried, please:
If you are a teacher or other professional worried about a child or children in your care:
- Follow the child protection policy of your organisation, which means talking to your designated child protection lead.
- You can also call the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 to discuss any situation with our experienced child protection professionals from a range of disciplines including social work, teaching, counselling and nursing.
If you are the designated child protection lead:
- Follow your organisation’s and local LSCB child protection procedures. Inappropriate sexual behaviour is likely to be harmful to the child displaying it. It may also have been prompted by the child being exposed to inappropriate materials, or suffering abuse either at the hands of other children or adults.
- Unless your guidelines say not to, talk to the child or children involved (separately) before you speak to either the parents or carers. Plan carefully and keep a record of the incident(s).
If you are in any doubt about what to do, our Helpline is here 24/7. It's free and you don't have to say who you are.
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