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(February 2010)Whether you are a parent, teacher or other professional, talking to children and young people about sex and relationships can present an awkward and potentially embarrassing situation.
Many adults find it difficult to talk to each other about sex, let alone to young people. However, it is vital that young people get the right information so that they can make safe decisions about their own behaviour and can make sense of the behaviour of others.
Parents may rely on the fact that their children are supposed to be learning about sex and relationships during sex and relationship education (SRE) lessons at school. However, a recent Sex Education Forum survey (SEF, 2008) found that 34 per cent of young people rated the SRE they had received as poor. The same survey also found that teachers felt ill-equipped to teach the subject and were often unclear about precisely what to teach.
While most adolescents understand something about the biology of sex, they may not understand as much as adults would hope or expect. Whatever their level of knowledge, many young people are not entirely sure about what sexual behaviours are okay, or what behaviours may actually be harmful and get them into trouble.
If adults fail to provide appropriate guidance, children will somehow ‘work things out’ themselves from what they hear and see in the media and from their friends - but this can lead to much confusion and serious errors of judgement.
For that purpose, the NSPCC child protection team in Shropshire have developed a set of clear, easy-to-remember guidelines for safe and appropriate sexual behaviour, to use as a basis for further discussion. They were written in partnership with a group of young people and guided by the Sex Education Forum values and principles of good practice.
The SPACE rules are: Safe, Private, Age, Consent, Every time.
The rules apply across the board to each and every one of us, regardless of age, ethnicity, cultural or religious heritage.
Each individual may add rules of their own, relating to their individual choices or preferences - as long as the basic SPACE rules are adhered to!
The SPACE rules can form the basis for effective communication between adults and young people about sex and relationships. The SPACE rules are clear and easy to memorise, recall and apply.
It is important to introduce and explore SPACE at an appropriate pace and use language that makes sense to the particular young person or group. As far as possible, connections should be made to other aspects of behaviour and experience to show that sex is not unnatural or weird.
For example, discussing appropriate sexual behaviour in the context of relationships is crucial. We can explain that SPACE travel is only possible within a suitable SPACE CRAFT: within relationships characterised by Commitment, Respect, Affection, Friendship and Trust. In ways such as this, the SPACE rules can be developed and used in teaching children and young people about sex and relationships.
The author would welcome your views and experiences of using the SPACE rules. Please contact Colin Watt for further information or for copies of the SPACE poster. Email: cwatt@nspcc.org.uk
Sex Education Forum (SEF) (2008) Key findings: young people’s survey on sex and relationships education (PDF) (Briefing paper). London: National Children's Bureau (NCB).
Sex Education Forum (SEF) [2010] Values and principles for SRE. London: National Children's Bureau (NCB).
Sex Education Forum (2008) We want more: what young people want from sex and relationships education. Charter for change (PDF). London: National Children's Bureau (NCB).
Watt, C. (2008) The final frontier: sex and relationship education. NOTA News, 59 (December), p.10.
The Sex Education Forum website. The Sex Education Forum is an umbrella organisation made up of approximately 50 member organisations. All members are involved directly or indirectly in the provision or support of sex and relationship education (SRE).
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