Encouraging better behaviour

Being a parent isn't always easy. It can be challenging and exhausting. Most parents don't think hitting children is right, yet in times of stress, anger or frustration find themselves lashing out.

The following offers you positive ways of handling difficult behaviour

Positive parenting and positive discipline

The issues with smacking and saying sorry

Further help and information

Positive parenting and positive discipline

The following techniques work with any child, regardless of temperament, background, culture or tradition. They build on a child's natural wish to please you, and will ensure a happier child and less stressed parents.

Babies

Babies behave as they do to get their needs met. When they cry or don't sleep, they're not doing this to be 'naughty' or to wind you up.

• 'baby-proof' your home so your baby can enjoy challenges without battles
• use distraction with older babies.

By ensuring your house is a baby friend environment, you reduce your anxiety levels.  to distract them from irritating behaviour you could point out something happening out of the window, when they head for the video, or swap your keys for a toy if they try to grab them.

Toddlers

Most naughty behaviour in toddlers is part of normal development. All toddlers test limits, try to be independent, get into everything, get mad and have tantrums.

• praise good behaviour that you want to encourage
• if you ignore behaviour you don't like, it is less likely to be repeated
• keep 'No's' to a minimum
• acknowledge your child's feelings - 'I know you're cross'
• remain calm and reasonable yourself.

School-age children

Being 'cheeky' or disobedient may show a natural desire in your child to assert independence and show he has a mind of his own.

• listen to your child about their life; the worries may worsen behaviour
• keep criticisms to a minimum - only criticise behaviour, not your child
• try the 'broken record' - calmly repeating what you expect your child to do.

Teenagers

It is normal for young people to challenge you more - their friends start to exert a greater influence and they just can't go along with everything parents want.

• don't take bad behaviour personally
• keep communicating
• try not to use threats or orders
• talk and negotiate solutions when there is a disagreement.

Back to top

The issues with smacking and saying sorry

Why smacking is never a good idea

Parents may believe there are occasions when only a smack will do. For example, your child is really cheeky and disobedient; your toddler runs into the road; one of your children bites a playmate. It can be tempting to think a smack sorts out these incidents quickly, but it does nothing to teach your child how you want him to behave.

Instead, it:

• gives a bad example of how to handle strong emotions
• may lead children to hit or bully others
• may encourage children to lie, or hide feelings, to avoid smacking
• it can make defiant behaviour worse, so discipline gets even harder
• leads to a resentful and angry child, damaging family relationships if it goes on for a long time.

I was smacked as a child - did my parents get it wrong?

These days we know a great deal more about why children behave as they do, and about the effects of smacking. Our parents did the best they could at the time. Modern parents choose parenting without the pain, for child or adults.

Saying sorry

All parents have behaved in ways they regret at times - shouting or smacking. If it happens, say you are sorry, make up and try again.  This teaches children a a valuable lesson.

The best ways to be a great parent without smacking

• give love and warmth as much as possible
• have clear simple rules and limits
• be a good role model
• praise good behaviour so it will increase
• ignore behaviour you don't want repeated
• criticise behaviours, not your child
• reward good behaviour by hugs and kisses
• distract younger children or use humour
• allow children some control - choices, joint decisions
• if a punishment is necessary, then removal of privileges, 'time out', or natural consequences all work better than smacking.

Back to top

Further help and information

The NSPCC Helpline
Our free advice line, open 24 hours a day , seven days a week.

Tel: 0808 800 5000 | Textphone: 0800 056 0566
Email: help@nspcc.org.uk

Children are Unbeatable Alliance
An alliance of more than 300 organisations campaigning for children to have the same legal protections against being hit as adults. Also provides advice on disciplining children without smacking.

Tel: 020 7700 0627 | Website: www.childrenareunbeatable.org.uk

ParentlinePlus
A help and support for anyone caring for children.

Tel: 0808 800 2222 | Textphone: 0800 783 6783
Website: www.parentlineplus.org.uk

National Childminding Association
Information for parents seeking childminders.

Tel: 0800 169 4486 | Website: www.ncma.org.uk

The Safe Network
The Safe Network helps to keeps children safe when they are taking part in activities.

Website: www.safenetwork.org.uk

Back to top