NSPCC - Who to turn to - Helpline

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Domestic violence and its effects on children

Domestic violence is very common. It happens to people of every class, age, race, disability and sexuality. But it is usually men who are the abusers and women who are on the receiving end. The violence can begin at any stage of a close relationship and may continue after the relationship has ended.

Domestic violence can involve physical abuse, sexual assault and threats. Sometimes it is more subtle, like making someone feel worthless, or not allowing them money, or not allowing them to leave the home. This kind of emotional abuse and enforced social isolation can affect the victim just as much as physical violence.

Some of the effects on adult victims:

Low self-esteem and depression.
Constant feelings of anxiety.
The mental and physical effects of violence may make it difficult for them to meet their children's practical and emotional needs.
The increased anxiety and loss of confidence that victims feel can make it very difficult for them to leave the abuser.
For severe injuries, they may need hospital treatment as an in-patient, which will affect their ability to care for their children.
They can be frightened to seek help in case the abuser punishes them by becoming even more violent.

Some of the effects on children:

Witnessing the violence can be emotionally damaging for children. They may copy the violent behaviour, both as children and adults.
Or they may lose confidence and / or blame themselves for what is happening.
They could be physically attacked during violent outbursts.
Children will often try to protect the adult victim, which puts them at risk of physical harm.
They may become distressed and anxious, or angry.
They may develop stress related diseases.

Keeping you and your child safe

If you are experiencing domestic violence, it is very important that you take action to protect yourself and your children. If you report your partner's violence to the Helpline, or the police, social services may become involved and will want to support you as the non-abusing parent. They may offer a range of services, including child care, housing advice, and help with applying for a legal order against the abuser, such as a non-molestation order or occupation order.

Some victims worry that if they seek help, their children may be taken into care. This is very unlikely. It would only happen if neither of the parents were willing to co-operate with social services over protecting the children.

Women's refuges: If you decide to leave your partner, there are places where you and your children can go in an emergency. Women's Aid offers a safe refuge and ongoing support to women and children fleeing domestic violence. For more information, view useful contacts below.

If you decide to stay with your partner

If you decide you want to try to sort out your problems with your partner, including the violence, there are organisations that can help. The Everyman Project offers a counselling service for violent men that want to change and Relate can offer help with more general relationship problems.

When a friend is a victim of domestic violence...

If a friend or colleague tells you that she is experiencing domestic violence, here are some key points to remember:

Women often feel ashamed of being victims of domestic violence. It may have been very difficult for your friend to tell you. So acknowledge the courage it has taken for her to speak out.
Be a good listener - she needs you to be understanding and non-judgemental.
Stress to her that no-one deserves to be threatened or beaten.
Ensure that she and the children are made safe. Encourage her to contact one of the agencies below, or to speak to the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000.
In an emergency, she should contact one of the agencies listed below, or to speak to the NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000.
In an emergency, she should contact the police on 999 or her local social services department.
DO NOT put yourself in danger by confronting the abuser.

Useful contacts

NSPCC Helpline
Tel: 0808 800 5000
Email: Helpline@nspcc.org.uk

NSPCC Asian Helpline
Bengali 0800 096 7714
Gujurati 0800 096 7715
Hindi 0800 096 7716
Punjabi 0800 096 7717
Urdu 0800 096 7718
Asian/English 0800 096 7719

Cymru/Wales Child Protection Helpline
Freephone: 0808 100 2524.
Email: helplinecymru@nspcc.org.uk in English or Welsh.
Textphone: Freephone 0808 100 1033. This is for people with hearing difficulties.
Fax: 01248 361085

National Domestic Violence Helpline
Helpline: 0808 2000 247
A 24-hour freephone number which provides access to emergency refuge accommodation, as well as an information service. It joins together the Women's Aid Federation helpline and the Refuge National Crisis Line in a single service.

Women's Aid
Helpline: 0808 2000 247
www.womensaid.org.uk
Advocates on behalf of abused women and children and provides services and support including refuge accommodation.

Refuge
Helpline: 0808 2000 247
www.refuge.org.uk
Refuge is the UK's largest single provider of safe accommodation and support to women and children escaping domestic violence.

Scottish Women's Aid
Contact the head office via an email form on the website: the website gives numbers of local groups.
www.scottishwomensaid.co.uk
Information about Scottish local support groups and refuge services.

Welsh Women's Aid / Cymorth I Fenywod
Helpline: 08 08 80 10 800
www.welshwomensaid.org
Information about Welsh local support groups and refuge services.

Northern Ireland Women's Aid Federation
Helpline: 028 9033 1818
www.niwaf.org
Provides refuge and support to women and children suffering harassment in the home.

M.A.L.E (Men's Advice Line Enquiries)
Helpline: 0845 064 6800
10am-9pm Mondays, 10am-5pm Tuesday - Thursday. A confidential 24-hour answerphone service is available at all other times.
A helpline service for men experiencing domestic violence.