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Some parents believe that hitting "works" because it instantly stops the behaviour they dislike and makes them feel less stressed and more in control. But although it may seem to fix the problem in the short term, it makes it much harder to achieve lasting child discipline. There are better, safer and more effective ways forward for parent and child, which rely on positive, not negative, discipline. In other words, talking, listening, explaining, negotiating and setting limits are always better than hitting.
What the law says about hitting children
In the UK it is an offence for one person to assault another. However, when it comes to children, parents may claim a defence of "reasonable chastisement" if they smack or assault their child. This defence is not open to parents in many European countries, where hitting children is against the law. In the UK, a parent could be prosecuted for assaulting a child if the hitting went beyond "reasonable chastisement".
What is "reasonable chastisement"?
The law does not define "reasonable chastisement" clearly - it depends on the circumstances. Physical punishment is unlikely to be seen as "reasonable" if it leaves a mark on the child or if the child is hit with a cane, stick, belt or other implement.
If another adult hits my child can they claim "reasonable chastisement" in their defence?
It is against the law for teachers, nursery workers and child care workers to smack another person's child. But anyone employed privately by a parent, such as a babysitter or nanny, may smack a child as long as the parent gives permission.
My two boys fight all the time. How can I stop them without hitting them?
Most siblings fight. But although hitting them may stop your sons fighting at the time, it sends out the message that violence is an acceptable way to deal with situations.
Your goal should be to help your children control their aggression and learn how to solve problems in ways other than hitting each other. This will take time, patience and thought by you.
But surely there's a difference between a harmless smack and physical abuse?
What may seem to be harmless smacks can lead to unexpected injury. For example, ruptured eardrums, brain damage, and injuries or even death from falls caused by blows.
Parents who use physical punishment may say they control the force of the smack and do not intend to harm their child. But the reality is that adults usually resort to smacking when they are angry and have "lost it", which gives them less control over their actions. What's more, some parents find they need to smack harder and harder over time in order to produce the same result with their children.
Growing up with violence can make children insecure and fearful from an early age. They may be less confident and assertive as they grow up. Or they may grow up to feel that aggression is the most effective way of communicating and getting what they want.
Getting help
If you are a parent who would like advice about managing children's behaviour without smacking, or any other parenting topic, the NSPCC Helpline can help. You can talk in confidence to one of our Helpline advisers on 0808 800 5000.
The NSPCC produces a range of leaflets with information and advice on positive parenting .
Useful contacts
NSPCC Helpline
Tel: 0808 800 5000
Email: Helpline@nspcc.org.uk
NSPCC Asian Helpline
Bengali 0800 096 7714
Gujurati 0800 096 7715
Hindi 0800 096 7716
Punjabi 0800 096 7717
Urdu 0800 096 7718
Asian/English 0800 096 7719
Cymru/Wales Child Protection Helpline
Freephone: 0808 100 2524.
Email: helplinecymru@nspcc.org.uk in English or Welsh.
Textphone: Freephone 0808 100 1033. This is for people with hearing difficulties.
Fax: 01248 361085
Children are Unbeatable
020 7700 0627
www.childrenareunbeatable.org.uk
An alliance of more than 300 organisations, campaigning for children to have the same legal protection against being hit as adults, and promoting positive, non-violent discipline.
End Corporal Punishment
www.endcorporalpunishment.org
Global initiative to end all corporal punishment of children.
Stop Hitting
www.stophitting.com
American site - educational information on the effects of corporal punishment on children.
EPOCH
020 7700 0627
Works actively with parents and organisations to promote non-violent, positive methods of bringing up children.
Parentlineplus
Freephone 0808 800 2222
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
A national 24-hour helpline for anyone who is parenting a child and who is in need of guidance, information or emotional support.
Parent Helpline
0114 272 6575
Listening support service for parents, adoptive or foster parents and anyone with responsibility for caring for children. Aims to give parents time to talk about their problems and provides information about other useful services.
Monday - Friday 9am- 1pm; 7.30pm - 11.30pm
Saturday and Sunday 7.30pm - 11.30pm
Copyright © 2006 NSPCC - All rights reserved. National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, Weston House, 42
Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH. Incorporated by Royal Charter. Registered charity number 216401. NSPCC, charity registered in Scotland, charity number SC037717.