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Emotional abuse is when a parent or carer behaves in a way that is likely to seriously affect their child's emotional development. It can range from constant rejection and denial of affection, through to continual severe criticism, deliberate humiliation and other ways of verbally "terrorising" a child.
It's not always easy to identify when a child is being emotionally abused. But the effects are damaging and long lasting. They can lead to serious behavioural, learning, emotional or mental disorders. All of which affect the child's chances of developing into a healthy, well-adjusted adult.
Parents from all types of backgrounds may emotionally abuse their children.
Children's emotional needs
Taking action
Answers to common questions about emotional abuse
Useful contacts
All children need acceptance, love, encouragement, discipline, consistency and positive attention from their parents. Children who are denied these things often grow up thinking they are deficient in some way and that they somehow deserved to be treated badly. Sadly, when they become parents themselves they may emotionally deprive their own children because they don't have a positive model of parenting to draw on.
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If you are worried that a child you know is suffering emotional abuse, you can discuss your worries with an NSPCC Helpline adviser on 0808 800 5000. If appropriate, we will pass on details to the family's local social services, which can provide a range of support services including classes in parenting skills, family therapy, and advice on child care.
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"My neighbour constantly shouts at her children and threatens them; should I be worried?"
Yes. A child who is constantly shouted at, threatened, humiliated or insulted will feel worthless and develop a poor self-image. Over a period of time they may internalise negative comments about themselves and begin to lack confidence in their own abilities.
Children react to emotional abuse in a number of ways. They may become physically aggressive, behave in a delinquent way, or become withdrawn and have problems relating to others. The child and parents then become locked into a cycle of negative behaviour. But if they can get the right kind of help at this point it can prevent much greater difficulties in the future.
"My friend treats her toddler well one day, then badly the next. I am worried about the effect this may have on him."
A child who is indulged and ignored in turn will find it difficult to work out how others will react to their behaviour. They will feel confused as to what is the right way to behave to please others and anxious about the response they will get.
Children need consistency from parents and carers. They need to learn that each time they behave in a particular way, it will lead to much the same reactions from their parents. And they need to be able to trust that their basic needs will be met. If this kind of stability and routine are missing from a child's early years, the child's development will suffer.
Some parents have unrealistic expectations about their child's behaviour and capabilities. They may be cold and disapproving if their child misbehaves or fails at something, and withdraw affection in an attempt to control the child's behaviour. This can be just as damaging as harsh words or threats. It is important for parents to understand what a child can and cannot do at a particular age and to be patient.
Remember that emotional abuse can often be unintentional. If your friend did not experience good parenting herself, she may not recognise the damage she could be doing to her toddler. Or she may not know how to change her behaviour.
Perhaps you could talk to your friend about her relationship with her toddler? There are a number of community-based services that could help, including her health visitor, Home Start or Newpin. Why not encourage your friend to contact one of them.
If things don't improve after this, we suggest you talk about your concerns with a NSPCC Helpline adviser on 0808 800 5000.
"My friend is suffering from depression. She spends most of her day in bed sleeping and seems to find it hard to look after her three-year old son. I am worried that he's not getting enough attention and stimulation."
Parents who are depressed, mentally ill, or taking drugs may find it more difficult to notice and respond to their child's needs. Nevertheless, when a parent ignores or withdraws from a child as your friend is doing, it is a form of emotional neglect. You are right to be worried.
A child who is emotionally neglected is likely to lack confidence and self-esteem. And they probably feel unloved and unwanted and find it difficult to trust others. These kinds of negative feelings may lead to problems with school, with their friends, and with their own children in later life.
Caring for young children is hard work. It can be especially difficult for parents who are tired or experiencing stress in other areas of their lives. Perhaps your friend would benefit from talking to somebody about how she feels, for example her GP or health visitor? Perhaps other family members or friends could offer some support with child care to give her a break. Perhaps you could help out?
You can discuss your worries with an NSPCC Helpline adviser on 0808 800 500. We may be able to suggest sources of support in your friend's area. If necessary, we will pass on details of the situation to social services, who provide direct support to the family or identify an organisation that can.
"I am a parent of four children. Lately, I have been finding it difficult to manage and on a few occasions have shouted at the children and said hurtful things. How can I improve things?"
Even the best of parents have occasions when they "lose it" with their children. This could mean shouting or saying hurtful things, not giving them attention when they need it or unintentionally scaring them. If you find yourself doing this on rare occasions, it is unlikely to have a damaging effect. But if it is happening on a regular basis, then it could do.
You've taken a very positive step in reaching for help now rather than risking regret later. Here are some suggestions:
NSPCC Helpline
Tel: 0808 800 5000
Email: Helpline@nspcc.org.uk
NSPCC Asian Helpline
Bengali 0800 096 7714
Gujurati 0800 096 7715
Hindi 0800 096 7716
Punjabi 0800 096 7717
Urdu 0800 096 7718
Asian/English 0800 096 7719
Cymru/Wales Child Protection Helpline
Freephone: 0808 100 2524.
Email: helplinecymru@nspcc.org.uk in English or Welsh.
Textphone: Freephone 0808 100 1033. This is for people with hearing difficulties.
Fax: 01248 361085
Parentlineplus: 0808 800 2222
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
A free and confidential helpline for parents and carers.
NEWPIN: 020 7358 5900
www.newpin.org.uk
Helps parents under stress break the cycle of destructive family behaviour. Has network of local centres offering a range of services for parents and children.
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Copyright © 2006 NSPCC - All rights reserved. National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, Weston House, 42
Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH. Incorporated by Royal Charter. Registered charity number 216401. NSPCC, charity registered in Scotland, charity number SC037717.