Clare's story

What happened in the playground

"Jaime* came up behind me, held my arms back and inappropriately touched me in the playground. A few weeks before we’d had a ‘mobile caravan’ come to the school to teach us about the NSPCC PANTS rule and about inappropriate behaviour. That’s when I learned about what sexual touching was.

So, after what happened in the playground, I went straight to a PSA (Pupil Support Assistant) to tell them, using what I’d learned in the PANTS lesson to help me explain it. They told Jaime to stand against the wall and I got taken out of my lesson while the teacher spoke to us both. They told Jaime to say sorry to me. He did, but I didn’t really accept it because he wasn’t sincere.

Then I was asked to keep on doing my regular activities straight away. I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused.

I was told by senior school staff that Jaime didn’t really mean what he did and that it was more a joke. I got really upset about that.

I thought after something so serious I’d have more support."

I didn’t want to go back to school

"When I got home that day I can’t remember how I felt. A few days later my family were heading on a pre-booked holiday and I was really struggling.

On the journey, I had déjà vu, and I would forget where I was. Mum and Dad had to remind me what was going on. I kept doing that for a while, and I didn’t know what was happening around me or where I was. I could always remember what Jamie* did to me though.

I couldn’t wear the colour I’d been wearing when it happened, and asked everyone in my house not to wear it either because it was triggering things for me. I think I got very ill. I got run down with a cold, had an infection and stopped eating, even though I usually eat a lot. I was off school for quite a while and fell behind because of it. It felt like I didn’t leave the house at all for two or three weeks.

I didn’t want to go back to school because I was so scared what he might do next."

Hard to feel safe

"When I eventually went back to school, I was afraid and would jump at loud noises. When I saw him around school for the first time, I freaked out.

I had done nothing wrong but I was the one losing out. I felt as if Jaime was given a lot of compassion, and I think he didn’t really get a punishment. All he was asked to do was to apologise, then he got to carry on normally.

It’s hard to feel safe. I was traumatised by what happened to me and how school dealt with it.I couldn’t even go outside with my mum and dad at first. Now, I can go out with a friend I feel safe with, but I still have anxiety, even when I’m just dashing out to take the bins out by myself."