Tamsin's story

Low self-esteem

"At 14, I think my mental health started deteriorating. I was struggling with low self-esteem and body image and relationships were difficult with people I cared about. I felt quite responsible for those around me and it weighed me down a bit. 

I had a hard time during my GCSE exams with putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve high grades, so I decided to do a BTEC at college instead of A Levels. There was a lot of pressure on me to do sciences because I was very academic but I chose creative subjects instead.

The BTEC wasn’t very stimulating and that’s when I began to struggle again with my mental health. By that stage, when I was 16, it was very different to when I was 14. It was a lot worse, and my relationship with food was bad."

Reaching out to Childline

"I didn’t want to tell anyone but I was going downhill very quickly and I was aware of that. I think everyone around me was aware, but no one wanted to say anything. I felt I couldn’t tell anyone as I didn’t want to burden my family.

That’s when I started to reach out to Childline on the online chat because it was a scary and dark time for me. I would reach out to Childline pretty much every night to voice what was going on, instead of going to someone I knew. During the day I was distracted but it was hard at night when I would become really lonely. I rang Childline when things got really bad.

I wanted to be cared for, in a way, or feel like someone cared. Obviously my family cared but they weren’t really able to be there in that way at that time. It was nice because it was anonymous and I could let how I was feeling out. There was good advice too. That went on for two or three months.

Childline encouraged me to tell a friend when I was scared to tell anyone. When I reached out to that friend, she encouraged me to get help. I got referred to CAMHS but I still hadn’t told my family. I had become so secretive, living my own life and not spending much time at home."

Developing an eating disorder

"My eating disorder happened so quickly. Something in my brain just suddenly stopped me from eating. I was barely eating but was will going to college.

It’s difficult to look back at that time, but I know I was numbing myself from something. I was aware it was happening, but also very much in denial. I thought I could live like that for a few months and that I would be fine. But it crept up on me and I suddenly crashed.

I had started seeing CAMHS and they told me I had to tell my family or they wouldn’t be able to help or be involved. I eventually did tell my family, which was terrifying. They were supportive but found it really hard because she didn’t really know how to deal with it.

Less than a month later, age 17, I was admitted to an in-patient unit, 100mi away from home. I spent eight months there.

It was a difficult time for both my mum and I because as in-patients, we weren’t allowed phones, our parents were only allowed to visit us two hours every weekend. We had a 15mins phone call with our parents but if we missed that, then we didn’t get another one. We couldn’t have alone time in our bedrooms, and always had to be downstairs with everyone."

Life after hospital

"I relapsed when I came out, because I was exposed to real life things again and I was struggling with my depression and anxiety. I think it’s quite common after you’ve been an in-patient.

When I turned 18, I was no longer with CAMHS and there was a long waiting list for adult services. I’d just been discharged from hospital so going from lots of support to nothing was very challenging.

I started pushing myself when I thought ‘it can’t really get any worse than this’. I knew I needed to do something about it. I started seeing friends again and doing things.

I met a new friend (who still is my best friend) who really helped me. A year older than me, she was also in recovery and was pushing herself to be in the best possible place to go to Uni – that was very helpful and inspired me. She made me do things, we went on holiday together – she pushed me to move forward."

Looking to the future

"I was about to finish college and didn’t really know what to do with my life. That unknown also affected my anxiety. I saw this traineeship job come up – a six-months supportive scheme for young people with mental health issues – and applied for it.

I got the job. It was like a light switch – I knew I couldn’t go to work feeling like this, so I really worked on myself.

After the scheme ended, I was offered a permanent role as a junior filmmaker, which was amazing. A few months later I moved to London. I didn’t have any friends in London and that was hard which means I really had to push myself to create my network of friends.

Having my work responsibility really did push me outside of my comfort zone. Now, I’m a different person. I feel I’ve gone full circle with my depression. I still have bad days but it’s nothing like it used to be. I am very grateful my job helped me in such a way.

If I hadn’t spoken to Childline, I would not have told my friend, and would not have received any support or help. Things would have got a lot worse."