1,400 contacts to our Helpline last year were about coercive and controlling behaviour towards children

Children have been reaching out to Childline after experiencing domestic abuse and coercive control in their family. A 17-year-old girl who contacted Childline said: 

“I believe my dad matches all the criteria for narcissistic behaviour and coercive control towards my mum. My dad has been controlling my mum her whole life. I don’t want my little brother and sister to grow up with what it was like for me.

"My dad used to be physically abusive, but this has stopped. Now he calls us names, gaslights us, controls the finances and locks up parts of the house, like the kitchen, so that we aren’t allowed in. The police have been called but they ask us questions in front of my dad so no-one can say the real truth.

"I feel hopeless. Only we know the way he really is. I feel like we are my dad’s property once everyone else has gone away.’’

Margaret*, said her referral to DART helped her and her children to rebuild their lives after experiencing abuse for several years. She said: 

“I had always known that part of my husband was controlling, but after we got married, he seemed to change. He became emotionally and psychologically abusive, threatening me and belittling me all the time… He didn’t like me wearing certain clothes or seeing my friends and he always said that he knew the best for me. Eight years into our marriage he started being physically abusive and the domestic violence started.

“I was worried about what our children had seen and how it might affect them. Both children were sullen and weren’t very good at articulating their feelings. They were very obedient and didn’t really behave like children at all. They played quietly and were very subdued.

“Both children took part in the NSPCC’s domestic abuse programme at our local centre. The activities the centre did with them gave them ample opportunity to speak about their feelings and come to terms with the domestic abuse that they’d witnessed and experienced.”

Paddi Vint, Development and Quality Manager for the Domestic Abuse Practice Advisor Team at the NSPCC Helpline, said:

“It is worrying to know children are having to deal with coercive control, especially over the summer when they are away from teachers and other adults who often spot concerns and who they can turn to for support.

“It is vital that everyone is aware of what coercive control can look like. This will mean that more of us can spot the signs that children and young people may be experiencing it and reach out with any concerns.

“We will continue to press the government to improve the support available for child victims of abuse including by increasing the supply of high quality, specialist therapeutic and mental health support within local communities across the country.”